Dear
Mark,
I hate gambling with my cousin. Not only is he irritating
to other players on the table, he is very abusive
to the dealer. You have no idea how many times the
dealer has to tell him, could you please do this,
don’t do that. How about some written table
manners I can pass his way? Janie T.
A front-line
employee of a casino, Janie, must obey two rules when
it comes to customers—even your cousin. One,
the player is always right, and two, if the player
is wrong, see rule number one. Not easy when a decent
percentage of players are running on high octane drinks
and losing money. And though Bozo players (what we
would call your cousin) get their fair share of negative
commentary in the employee breakroom, a dealer who
lashes out at any
customer
would be severely reprimanded—fired!
But me, I’ve been paroled from my 18-year casino
sentence, so I can dole out some table etiquette without
repercussion. Here goes.
Know the proper hit/stand
signals for the blackjack game you’re playing.
In baseball, it’s two hands for beginners;
on a live blackjack game, the opposite. Some casinos
are real touchy-feely (throw you out) about you
doing anything funny to the cards.
Once you’ve placed your wager, don’t touch
your bet until you get paid.
If the cards are running against you, don’t
keep asking for a new deck. If you don’t like
your cards, move to another table.
Expect with abusive language an early departure
from the casino.
Don’t ask the dealer what her hole card is.
Dealers won’t risk their job over your wager.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice,
but not after the dealer looks under her face/ace.
If you lose several hands in a row, don’t accuse
the dealer of cheating. Most (99.999%) don’t.
It’s most likely a bad run of cards plus let’s
not discount poor play. Also, abusing “the
messenger” for crummy cards lacks any form
of civility.
If you’re using a basic strategy card (recommended),
don’t refer to it each and every hand. You
should have a basic understanding on how to play
most of your hands well before you sit down on a
game.
Using these lines? “Are you going to be nice
to me?” Question is, are you going to be nice
to them. “Where are you from?” It’s
most likely on their nametag. “Do you live
here?” Yes, we’re not Martians commuting
from Mars. Try some other light conversation. Note:
About every recipe I know, from avocado dip to chicken
wings, came from some customer.
Don’t walk up to a dealer and tell him he looks
bored, make him shuffle a 6-deck shoe just to play
one $5 bet, lose, then walk.
When betting for the dealer (worth at least three
separate columns), keep the ratio a reasonable one.
I once had a professional baseball player betting
three hands at $500 a whack, with just a 50¢
bet for me, the dealer, every third shuffle. One
month earlier he signed a multi-million-dollar,
5-year contract. His initials are.… I better
not.
Once the hand has been completed, don’t turn
your cards over to help the dealer. Dealers have
a routine and you’re just slowing them down.
Besides, dealers need to spread the cards a certain
way so the cameras can read them.
Finally, dealers really
don’t care if the sign outside their casino
says “certified friendly dealers.” They
just want to be treated like you would want to be
treated.
